The last song

Dear mommy,

Today I finished the book. I couldn't put it down! Arash and I are in nikko today and it's a great little place! It's a small town with a bunch of shrines and tons of waterfalls. We saw tons of shrines today, tomorrow we r goin to the waterfalls. Remember when u were sick and u made ur crane out of the little papers? I saw one today and it reminded me of u! The house cleaner broke it, I want to put it back together again when I get home! My students and I also made Theresa 1000 cranes for when she had Ethan! It took kits of work, but it felt hood to finish them!

So this book, tear jerker! Maybe more for me because it reminded me o times with you when u had cancer. The dad in this book also has stomach cancer, he decided to do nyhjng about it and just live through it. It makes me wonder if u would have been more comfortable if we let u live through it instead of opting for surgery! The father in the boook also dies, it was so weird to read the book. So many similar emotions and motions they went through that we experienced. I know every situation is different, but it was almost comforting to know others went through this, and too hooves the things we noticed when u were fighting! 

It's crazy to think how fast this disease took u from us! Sometimes I think we r lucky that you didn't struggle and hurt long with it, and othertimes I am greedy and jealous that we couldn't keep you longer!

After wandering town today that started at 530 am, we headed back for a nap and snack. We r staying Ina ryokan which is a traditional Japanese house. It's a neat little place. Our nap was interrupted by somebody knocking. He made me get up for nothing! So I laid back down and started to read, not thinkig I would finish almost 200 pages now! I think I'm so lucky to have Arash bc when he saw me crying while reading he held me after I told him why. The simplist things he does are so comforting! It's scary at the sametime bc he is a lot of what I want.

In the book the girl is afraid of what's going to happen when they both retrn to their hometowns away from the boy she is dating in the book. I'm onthe oter end and afraid of what is going to happen when I get home. Living in japan we email and talk often enough to keep me happy. I know at home I need much more attention. I'm also planning on goig back to school and starting that stressful route of broke life and being in debt. I would love if he is along the road with me, but I'm afraid of the path ahead. I know I have a lot of work cut out and lots to work on. We have never discussed it, and I don't know if it's something we will discuss. As much as I want to discuss what we have I don't. I think we r stable in what we have and both confident in it. I never would have thought he would even really come out to visit me in japan, and here he is laying next to me in nikko on our own little vacation in japan! I think I'm a very lucky girl! I know time will tell, but like u I'm not patient!

Im gonna hit the sack, my eyes are swollen from crying from the book! I like that I'm writing to you here, others may think it's odd, but I feel like I'm sharing what I would with you if you were still here!

I love you and miss you!

Baby grill